


Everything wasn't real

by Camisado527



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Fuck Hospitals, Hospitals, Implied Relationships, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, OOC, Other, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, if you cannot tell i hate hospitals, nate's a good boi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 10:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17681750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camisado527/pseuds/Camisado527
Summary: Elliot was having trouble with his mental health, every so often nothing felt real."Everything wasn’t real. Nothing felt real to Elliot. He knew he was on a call with his friends, but he looked around and then looked at his phone. Was it his phone? Were these his friends?"





	Everything wasn't real

Everything wasn’t real. Nothing felt real to Elliot. He knew he was on a call with his friends, but he looked around and then looked at his phone. Was it his phone? Were these his friends?   
“Elliot?” Faith was calling out to him, “Elliot?” Elliot hung up on them and put his head in his hands. He could hear Discord going off. Elliot started crying and pulled his hair. It hurt but it was real. The pain was real.  
“God, DAMMIT!” He shouts and gets up. He goes to his wall and starts hitting his head.   
“Fuck this, Fuck this, FUCK THIS!” Finally, everything felt real. Elliot went and sat down again and called them back. It was a video call and Elliot loved them. He knew his eyes were probably red, but he didn’t care.   
“What happened to you?!” Nate gasped.  
“What do you mean?”  
“You have a huge ass bruise on your forehead. Dude, are you ok?” Elliot nodded, yeah his head hurt but that didn’t matter, and the fact that he wanted to cry more also didn’t matter. “Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Elliot put on some NSP and pretended everything was ok.

Finally, Faith went to bed. Meaning Nate and Elliot were alone.   
“Do you wanna stream or something?” Nate sighed, “Elliot. I know that you are hurting… yourself. You need to stop and get some help.” Elliot sighed, the truth was out, “Fine. Yes, I do hurt myself but it’s the only thing that feels real and keeps me feeling real.” Nate took out his phone and started texting someone. Of course, Elliot was really boring and- He was talking to someone. Nate muted his mic and looked at the camera. Elliot leaned back but heard someone coming upstairs. He heard a knock on his door as Nate hung up.  
“I’ll be right back.” Elliot muted his mic and turned off his camera, his mom walked into the room.   
“Hon, what’s going on?”  
“What do you mean?”   
“Nate contacted me and told me you were self-harming again.” Elliot looked at Nate, “What?” She must have noticed Elliot’s newest bruise, she took Elliot head and looked at it.   
“You’re bleeding. I’m taking you to the hospital, I don’t want you to accidentally kill yourself.” Elliot started panicking, “Wait, no! Don’t take me to the hospital!” Elliot started scrambling back against his chair, “No, no, no, no, no, Mom please no!”   
“El, please.”  
“Je serai bon, Je ne me ferai pas de mal, s'il te plaît maman!” Elliot was gonna have a panic attack. His mom grabbed his arm, “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” Elliot screamed and accidentally unmuted himself.   
“El, this doesn’t have to be harder than it needs to be. Just come on, pack a bag.” He knocked his chair over and fell over.   
“I’M NOT GOING, YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!”   
“I will call an ambulance if you won’t cooperate. Come on.” Elliot was backed against his window, he was having a full blown panic attack. Elliot screamed and threw off his headphones, NSP playing out of them and Nate’s confused and worried voice. Elliot considered jumping out the window in his panic but noticed his mom on the phone.  
“D-DON’T CALL THEM! NO!” His mic was knocked over in the struggle and his headphones were unplugged and discarded. When Elliot paused he could hear Nate’s worried voice. It calmed him down a bit, but Elliot still fell over and passed out. When he was going in and out he knew he was loaded onto an ambulance and when he finally woke up he had bandages on his head, arms, and hands. He shot up, “Nate!” A nurse walked in and noticed him awake. She smiled at him and helped him up.   
“Can you get changed? If you’re awake it means you’re ready to go to the ward.” Elliot looked at her, terrified.  
“Non! Je ne suis pas prêt! Ne me fais pas partir!” Why was he speaking French?  
“Honey, just focus on getting changed. Can you speak English, can you understand me?”   
“Oui, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to the mental ward. I’m fine.”   
“That’s not what the wounds say. Now go get changed.” She hands him some clothes and Elliot goes into the bathroom and changes. He was wearing his Game Grumps hoodie and some jeans plus socks. He wanted to cry. He doesn’t want to be here. He wants to be with Nate and Faith. “Oh god,” he heard most of the fight. 

Elliot walks back out to the nurse and sighs, “OK, I’m ready.” Elliot follows the nurse, they must have been in a different hospital than last time because when he walked into the ward it was much different.   
“Is this Elenor?” another nurse smiles and asks. The nurse was about to answer but Elliot spoke up, “No, I’m Elliot.” He wasn’t going to take any shit this time.   
“Yes, this is Elenor.” Elliot crosses his arms, “It’s Elliot. I am nonbinary masculine, my pronouns are They/He and I need y’all to respect that.” They were silent and stared at him.  
“I’m not taking any shit this time. I am nonbinary and I have a dick, and if that’s what you need to know then there it is.” God, Elliot hoped Nate was happy with himself. They continue talking to each other, ignoring Elliot when he would correct them. Elliot wished he had his phone with him, he actually just wanted to talk to his friends. 

They got him situated with his bag and Elliot noticed he didn’t have a roommate this time. Score! Now if he could just get these bandages off… He started fiddling with them just as a nurse walked in.   
“Please don’t mess with those.”   
“Fuck you.” Elliot continued messing with the bandages and the nurse stops him, “Put your stuff away.” Elliot yanked his hands away and shot a glare at the nurse. Getting up and starting to put his things away in the cubbies that they were given. Suddenly everything didn’t feel real anymore. Nothing was real. His body language must have shown something was wrong because the nurse asked him what was wrong. Elliot looked at his hands that were stuck mid-air holding his sketchbook. They weren’t his, whose were they? The hands drop the sketchbook and drop to his side, Elliot tried to move away from them and the nurse immediately knew something was wrong. Elliot needed pain. What could he use to hurt himself? The wall? The hands? 

The nurse called some other nurses into the room and that gets the attention of all the girls in the ward. Elliot decided to use the hands. Using his teeth to get the bandages off ended up working, giving him the pain he needed, he bit harder, tasting blood. A nurse finally noticed Elliot biting himself because they quickly came over and attempted to get Elliot to stop. Elliot let go of the hand, Everything felt real again. These were his hands that were bleeding, that were holding the other nurse’s hand

Elliot had never done this before in front of others. He wanted to cry. The nurses decided to replace his bandages and keep him in sight. 

2 weeks of absolute torture and he was free to go home. As soon as he got home he called Nate.   
“Elliot?”  
“I hope you’re fucking happy.” Elliot was on the verge of tears.   
“Elliot I did it for you. I love you and care for you a lot. I was worried about you, that’s why I told your mom about your self harming.” Elliot didn’t respond to Nate. What was there to say?   
“Yeah, great job. I hate you. Do you know what it’s like in there?! I wanted to kill myself over and over for every second I was in there. It didn’t help.” Elliot crossed his arms, “So I hope you’re happy.” Elliot hung up on him and started crying. He fucking hated himself, he fucking hated Nate, he hated his mom, he hated everyone. Nate was calling him but he exited out of Discord and went to lay down. He cried himself to sleep and was not looking forward to school the next morning. 

The next morning he uninstalled discord on his phone. If he really cared enough he would apologize using other methods. It was petty but he didn’t care. The drive to school was tiring. Sarah hadn’t gotten to talk to Elliot for 2 weeks and AJ hadn’t either. So when they got to his school Elliot wasn’t ready at all. He got out and considered running back home. He decided against it, after all- they were pretty far away from home. Elliot walked into the school to find people staring at him. The nurses had told Elliot’s mom to keep the bandages on his hands on, So Elliot wouldn’t pick at the scars. Elliot buttoned his jacket and kept walking. It was already enough that he was nonbinary masculine and had surgery that year, but to suddenly disappear for 2 weeks and come back wrapped in bandages was really new. People stared and Elliot ignored them. When he got to class he was late so everyone had already started, a few people looked at him as he walked to the teacher and figured out which group he was in. The boys he was with were really cute and he was annoyed that he didn’t look good at the moment. He had half-assed dressing so he was wearing only a black shirt and jeans along with his jean jacket with red flowers and pins all over it. His curly blond hair was all over the place.   
He sat down and they caught him up. He quickly finished his work along with another boy, Thomas. They chatted and quickly found they had lots in common with each other. At the end of class, they swapped numbers and started texting each other. Elliot was happy for once. They quickly became friends and Elliot forgot about Nate for a little bit. 

When he got back home, he was in a good mood and decided to talk to Nate. Elliot called Nate and he immediately picked up.   
“Elliot. I’m so sorry. I should have never done that, I was just so worried and I care about you so much. I shouldn’t have done that.”   
“You shouldn’t have, yes, But it’s ok. I don’t care anymore.” Elliot brushed his curly hair out of his eyes and looked at Nate, “You’re a fucking idiot, but I love you.” Nate’s eyes widened, “You love me?”   
“Yes, but if you EVER do that again, I’m blocking you everywhere and we won’t be friends anymore.”  
“Ok, ok. Sorry, again.” Elliot smiled at him, “I have to go. I’m going to bed probably. Good night.”   
“Night.” Elliot hung up, in a better mood than before. He went to bed, happier.


End file.
